Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dicks are not precious.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
