So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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