go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
