no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
