last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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