everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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