I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
