ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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