Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
my poor anus
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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