So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
