fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm always down for nudity.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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