Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
