So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Success! We fucked roommates!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
