You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Such a big mess for such a small penis
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
