im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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