I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
