You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
