i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
