i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have fence marks all over my body
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