Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
