I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
