If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
