Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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