finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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