Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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