im having a threesome with these popsicles
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
