I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
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Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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