This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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