the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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