So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
