I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
