Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
