That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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