And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
