and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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