I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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