Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize