Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
