Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
