Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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