so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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