She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just high enough for therapy.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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