What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
