I wish i was in the wii world.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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