Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
