I skipped work to stalk him.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
