do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
