im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
