having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
