I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
