Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
