dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
