I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
