Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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