so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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