I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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