i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
