Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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