I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
