We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
