I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
