I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
