wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize