Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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