You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
