you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
