So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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