I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
