I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
