I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
