Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
