i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"