He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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