Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis