Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.

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  (504): if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever) (512): Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them. http://tfl.nu/9n19
  Replies (3) Good night (1196) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.

  (310): View more from California

  So you didn't like Bolt?

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  (404): Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later. (310): So you didn't like Bolt? http://tfl.nu/dqy6
  Replies (2) Good night (3153) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  True life - we need to smoke together more often

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  (516): Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters. (1-516): True life - we need to smoke together more often http://tfl.nu/s2bm
  Replies (8) Good night (4039) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'd suck anything for a pizza right now

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  (309): I'd suck anything for a pizza right now http://tfl.nu/grjz
  Replies (42) Good night (5489) Bad night (1816)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..

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  (860): He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time.. http://tfl.nu/k00f
  Replies (8) Good night (5815) Bad night (1223)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.

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  (613): I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line. http://tfl.nu/g6vr
  Replies (7) Good night (862) Bad night (4593)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name

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  (423): In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name http://tfl.nu/dqgq
  Replies (3) Good night (3153) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....

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  (231): My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness.... http://tfl.nu/k1tt
  Replies (5) Good night (2927) Bad night (858)
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  (408): View more from California

  In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals

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  (408): In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals http://tfl.nu/45rk
  Replies (8) Good night (799) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.

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  (516): She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location. http://tfl.nu/ak9e
  Replies (8) Good night (1388) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name

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  (646): Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name http://tfl.nu/j3ir
  Replies (5) Good night (550) Bad night (824)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"

  (210): View more from Texas

  I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.

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  (512): things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over" (210): I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback. http://tfl.nu/pi9n
  Replies (4) Good night (649) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers

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  (248): I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers http://tfl.nu/pmtt
  Replies (6) Good night (833) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.

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  (202): Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again. http://tfl.nu/fpwo
  Replies (0) Good night (473) Bad night (477)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental

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  (787): They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental http://tfl.nu/euqr
  Replies (1) Good night (582) Bad night (258)

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