We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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