Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.

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(502): I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis. http://tfl.nu/zjdj

Replies (31) Good night (1814) Bad night (4134)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.

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(832): Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college. http://tfl.nu/9ey3

Replies (9) Good night (4225) Bad night (1027)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.

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(+44): she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together. http://tfl.nu/1f9e

Replies (2) Good night (3056) Bad night (1315)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates

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(484): scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates http://tfl.nu/oxez

Replies (12) Good night (7386) Bad night (1310)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds

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(303): Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/arjt

Replies (14) Good night (2621) Bad night (903)
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(313): View more from Michigan

There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding

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(313): There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding http://tfl.nu/91sj

Replies (16) Good night (1585) Bad night (3775)
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(512): View more from Texas

Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"

(1-512): View more from Texas

Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.

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(512): Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??" (1-512): Yeah no more flaming everclear shots. http://tfl.nu/vc2f

Replies (11) Good night (999) Bad night (1609)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?

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(603): Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message? http://tfl.nu/3a2d

Replies (3) Good night (1409) Bad night (573)
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(801): View more from Utah

We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.

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(801): We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form. http://tfl.nu/5xht

Replies (4) Good night (1151) Bad night (548)
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(816): View more from Missouri

The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.

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(816): The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud. http://tfl.nu/cdmp

Replies (5) Good night (2936) Bad night (501)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS

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(570): OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS http://tfl.nu/smac

Replies (4) Good night (412) Bad night (977)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka

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(515): Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka http://tfl.nu/yw8u

Replies (1) Good night (676) Bad night (324)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night

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(412): i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night http://tfl.nu/3wkg

Replies (4) Good night (963) Bad night (365)
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(714): View more from California

GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!

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(714): GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo! http://tfl.nu/3so0

Replies (2) Good night (1072) Bad night (316)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.

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(617): In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame. http://tfl.nu/9nrq

Replies (0) Good night (506) Bad night (608)

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