around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
