Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
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those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.