Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight

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  (313): It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight http://tfl.nu/fbzk
  Replies (1) Good night (1527) Bad night (1544)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I want to walk on stilts...naked

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  (970): I want to walk on stilts...naked http://tfl.nu/tpp3
  Replies (14) Good night (1868) Bad night (522)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.

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  (630): i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do. http://tfl.nu/s093
  Replies (30) Good night (4155) Bad night (742)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.

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  (352): my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better. http://tfl.nu/j6r0
  Replies (17) Good night (1038) Bad night (4923)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..

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  (631): My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms.. http://tfl.nu/s1m5
  Replies (15) Good night (4625) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night

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  (517): I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night http://tfl.nu/lvdh
  Replies (5) Good night (1561) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.

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  (206): It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights. http://tfl.nu/5zul
  Replies (5) Good night (615) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.

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  (330): He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life. http://tfl.nu/pmkh
  Replies (5) Good night (1146) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?

  (1-818): View more from California

  I'm about a 7.95

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  (818): On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies? (1-818): I'm about a 7.95 http://tfl.nu/5dnz
  Replies (7) Good night (1178) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.

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  (512): I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland. (1-512): I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies. http://tfl.nu/m9ig
  Replies (5) Good night (1047) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.

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  (989): She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it. http://tfl.nu/vpoa
  Replies (1) Good night (959) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  DON'T WEAR PANTS.

  (707): View more from California

  I REPEAT.

  (707): View more from California

  DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.

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  (707): DON'T WEAR PANTS. (707): I REPEAT. (707): DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS. http://tfl.nu/9ogh
  Replies (7) Good night (718) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.

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  (701): I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/y1uj
  Replies (0) Good night (275) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.

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  (432): Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it. http://tfl.nu/j4lk
  Replies (1) Good night (509) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.

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  (202): Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time. http://tfl.nu/ulsc
  Replies (3) Good night (428) Bad night (839)

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