i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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