dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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