Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
