So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
